at the beach

I don’t know, I hear what they’re saying when people complain about my friends, and I understand why some of them suck in some ways. but I don’t know what it is, I just feel the need to defend them, and I don’t have it in me to stop the friendships. I’ve lost so many people that I’ve cared about, and now that I think about it it’s really brought me down in the past. the only friendship that I was able to end myself was one with a girl who fucked up my life so bad, I really just didn’t have a choice. but other than that, I can’t bring myself to end a friendship voluntarily. it just doesn’t sit well with me. it gives me an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and flashbacks to when people did it to me. I can’t handle it, and I’m a pushover.